People watching, weekend-style

Back from the weekend, with only one more full week before the long Christmas weekend, after which I'll be headed out of town for a few days (yet I don't have to take vacation, as I'll be working remotely -- sometimes that internet thingy comes in handy).

The weekend was full of promise to get in some good people-watching, and it did not disappoint. Fortunately, there were no unwelcome advances made on me this weekend. Unfortunately, toward the end of the weekend, I was hit with some unwelcome news. But alas, that's not what we're here for. We're here to make me feel good, not the other way around. So, on to the fun people watching ...

Frenchie - The foreign guy who thinks he's still in Europe. Wear a pink shirt and invade people's space at a not-so-crowded bar? This is the U.S.A. dammit. And I'm Gumby, Dammit. Take a step back and pop a breath mint. And wear a man's shirt.

Tits McGee - The woman who, at some point, got a boob job that's so ridiculous for her frame size, and now, at 40+ years old, attempts everything she can to make the rest of her face and body as attractive as her once shiny new pair. I've seen this woman before watching this band. There is entertainment value in just watching her dance. Or bounce. Did I say how ridiculously large her boobs are? And ridiculously fake? Yahtzee.

Pour Me - The bartender who, once upon a time, probably single-handedly brought cowboys in from all around the area. Now, older and wiser (and much less attractive), she still works for tips. Hint: If you're young and pretty and a bartender, keep this in mind: bartending does not seem to lend itself well to advancing on in life. If you're still bartending for a living at 35, you'll probably be bartending for a living at 55 (and in the meantime, you'll have lost your looks).

Ron Mexico - The guy at the professional sporting event (it was NOT a football game, and it was NOT anywhere near Atlanta) wearing the Michael Vick jersey and a bunch of "ghetto-wear". Seriously, if you didn't know Ron Mexico was Michael Vick's STD-testing name, you'd take one look at this guy and think it could be HIS STD-testing name. I didn't want to get within ten feet of the guy. I felt dirty even being in the same building.

Ridin' Dirty - The woman who's just old enough to be a 20-year-old's mother, just hot enough to entice a 20-year-old to have sex with her (all night long), and just dirty enough to give a 20-year-old the Clap. Apparently, this woman was making weird faces at me from the other side of the bar at one point in the night when I wasn't looking, as my friend later pointed out. Then later, five very young guys walked in, and she was hitting on them all. Oh yeah, she appeared to be there by herself, also. I didn't see where she went later, either. Maybe she ended up ridin' one of those young guys dirty all night.

Well, that's the most interesting of the bunch. I definitely did not fill my quota for the weekend, but there were plenty to feed the hunger. And it definitely is more fun when you're not actually inconvenienced by "interesting" people -- when you can just sit back and take it all in.

Behave yourselves