Winning is the only thing

Prognosticator of prognosticators. That's me. I am Punxsutawney Phil.

I found out Monday that I placed second overall in my confidence pool for the entire NFL season (48 people were entered). I took first place the final week to move up from 7th place to 2nd place. Also, I was tied for best straight pick percentage, ignoring weights (the first place finisher in the pool did not have the highest straight pick percentage). So, I can celebrate winning. I have some of the worst luck when it comes to games of chance, and confidence pools kind of qualify in that category, so it was a nice change of pace.

I bet that it also feels good to win money from such a venture. I wouldn't know, though, since gambling is illegal and immoral, and gambling earnings are taxable. Thus, the pool was not for money. But if it WAS for money, I'm sure that my 2nd overall finish plus winning week 17 and one other week would be good for some healthy cash. I'm sure it would actually be more lucrative than a day of work. One hundred percent positive, I am. Too bad I didn't win anything for my grand prognostications. Yeah, too bad.

I also got to bowl last night. I rolled a 215 and a 220, which are about 40 pins over my average game. I feel like a winner this week. Yay.

To celebrate my winning ways, I'm going to list several other people/groups who have recently been "winners":

Government Employees - What a way to start the new year. Free day off just because some old, unloved president died at the ripe young age of 93. Like we didn't see that coming? Besides, who becomes president having never even been elected as a VICE president? Mouring mediocrity, I say.

Chuck Norris - Need I say more?

Detroit Lions Fans - Matt Millen won't quit. The Lions don't lose the last game of the season , so they don't get the first pick in the draft. Most of the fans live in Detroit. Oh, crap. This is the winner's list, isn't it?

Terenzo Bozzone - Congrats to anyone who actually knows who this guy is. If you don't know who he is, just trust me, this guy is a winner. This is a scary, scary performance. And not an easy course either.

Lance Armstrong - Got out while the gettin' was good. Also appears in one of my favorite movies.

New Orleans Saints - Homeless and hard to watch in 2005. Playoff bye week and a better team than the first-seeded Bears in 2006.

J.K. Rowling - She could crap in a book and people would buy it. Probably for three times what it's worth on eBay.

Will Ferrell - See J.K. Rowling. Replace book with movie.

Neptune - Now it will always be the furthest planet from the sun, not just 20 of every 248 (Earth) years.

Colonel Sanders - Still making us crave his eleven herbs and spices, many years later.

SNL - While I don't watch it anymore, it's apparently getting funny again, with recent YouTube hits "Lazy Sunday" and "Dick in a Box".

L.A. Style - It only took 15 years, but their original hit song finally comes to fruition.

Keep it real.