Superman and Supervisors and Toilet Humor

Supervisors. They don't exist. If you've ever called a customer service support line and had a request that wasn't allowed via the script, you may have been presented with the option of speaking to a supervisor or requested to speak with a supervisor. In either case, a conversation was never held between you and a supervisor, of that much, I am sure of.

I wish companies would just rewrite the customer service script to include the answer to the "can I speak with a supervisor" question. The answer is obviously, "no you can't." Just tell me that. Don't tell me "the supervisor is busy right now, can (s)he call you back when (s)he's available?" Just tell me the supervisor doesn't exist, because I know I'll never receive that call. At this point, I'm not even requesting that a supervisor actually be employed to speak to me. I'm just looking for honesty in our customer/customer service relationship.

I'm not saying that I'm better than supervisors. That would be like comparing myself to Superman. Neither actually exists, so it doesn't really make sense to make the comparison. If you think you're a "supervisor" in your current job, I suggest you take a long, hard look at yourself, and try to come to terms with the fact that you're only a figment of your own imagination.

There are several specific stories I could relay that have brought me to these conclusions, but they are not for the here-and-now. By divulging details, I'd be exposing two rat-bastard companies, and I just don't feel like throwing that out there right now.

On a different note, I really have to wonder about flush volume. Not audible volume, the volume of water. The water-saver flushing appliances now, specifically. How is it that a toilet can flush a deuce and everything that goes along with it with only 1.6 gallons of water, and it takes a urinal a whole gallon just to take down number one? The math just doesn't add up for me on this one.

So there's this guy where I used to work who would use the urinal in a kind of unique way. He'd put one hand up over his head on the wall, and use the other hand to push on the flush knob the whole time he was going. First off, the Superman pee is kind of funny in-and-of itself, but what's with having to flush the whole time? Does he have the world's most acidic pee, and it would eat through the urinal if he didn't flush it immediately? Do the flushing-water noises help him go? What happens if he encounters a bathroom with the automatic sensor? So many questions. And I'm sure they're all funnier going unanswered. That's why I never asked him. Well, that, and the basic laws of men's bathrooms that dictate there should be no talking while you're in one.

And apparently, he likes to pee, as he has his own coffeepot in his office. And he's always making and drinking coffee. I don't know about you, but whenever I drink coffee, it's like a friggin river.

I realize that I used Superman twice in this post, but I like Superman. I like saying Superman. I like that Jerry Seinfeld likes Superman. But Shaq having a Superman tattoo kind of ruins Superman for me. But I can still use Superman in conversation. Alot.

Have a SUPER day, MAN.